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Give That Ponytail An Oscar Nom [Open Caption]

Alex Carnevale — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 13:15:00 EST

[Al Pacino desperately searching his phone for his stylist's number, image from X17, click for the big version]

Campy Twilight Makes You Laugh While It Takes Your Money [Review]

Alex Carnevale — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 12:30:00 EST

Teen vampire romance Twilight is finally yours to enjoy in theaters, and one day later, it's already the best debut for a female director ever. The first numbers indicate the film has made $32.7 million so far, and online ticket purchases haven't been this hot since The Dark Knight. The film will have doubled its miniscule budget by the time the weekend is over, but if you're not a fan of the books, is it worth getting good with Twilight? We review the most important film of this or any other generation:

Twilight's long-ancipated opening finally has brought the wildly popular series to devoted fans and vampire noobs alike, whether they like it or not. South Park parodied Twilight groupies by turning class geek Butters into a member of The Ungroundable, per se, but the real laughs emerge during the film's 2 hour running time.

Directed by Thirteen helmer Catherine Hardwicke, the cinematic version of Twilight is an audience participation movie, drawing constant laughs from viewers. It's not entirely clear that the film doesn't mean to be funny. The filmmakers seemed to know that teens and adults would be hooting at the events of the film no matter what they did. Instead of making the novels into something they're not, Hardwicke and screenwriter Melissa Rosenberg hammed it up, and the result is something like a love story happening during Night of the Living Dead, a contrast that lends itself to comedy. You can debate exactly how hammy Twilight is, but even the most devoted fan has to crack a smile when Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) scrunches up his face as only he can.

The film begins with a bracing voiceover directly from the book,a technique that it barely bothers to return to. Presented with a uniquely smart and outsider-y heroine in the book version of Bella, the film's Isabella Swan (Kristen Stewart) doesn't struggler to fit in like her literary alter-ego. We never really feel for her. She arrives at a new school, and two scenes later she's already chatting up various hotties. Though at one point she tells her father that she likes being alone, it's a curious statement, considering she's virtually never alone in the movie.

Readers of the book will find Hardwicke and Rosenberg's translation familiar, and for the most part, faithful. Yes, the action sequence where mean vampire James tracks Bella as Edward tries to save her turns about 200 pages into five minutes' worth of screen time, and it's more hokey than satisfying. But it's a big book - something has to give. You can't make a film with this flimsy a plot into a 3 hour epic.

What's left over should be judged on its own merits, and and embracing the campier qualities was the right move, even if it was the only option available. Adults may have laughed their balls off during the tired courtship of Anakin Skywalker and Queen Amidala, but that only proves how difficult it is to write a convincing teen romance. Every move Robert Pattinson makes here draws a laugh, as do the film's numerous near-kisses. The more serious you made his Edward Cullen out to be, the worse a parody the film would become. Pattinson's a terrible actor, but this isn't an easy part to play.

Really, there is no such thing as a serious vampire, and though the filmmakers tried their best to elevate the stakes of Bella's romance with Edward, between tree-climbing, staring intently and playing DeBussy on the piano, the film's going to get laughs no matter how you stage it. Don't think teens aren't in on the joke. Edward Cullen is a manpire that Bella Swan and every girl dreams about — and that includes having a sense of humor about his pale predicament. He lives up to that expectation by delivering a vampire that is breezy, fun, and most of all, hot. Stewart herself isn't much of an actress (as she proved in her abominable Letterman appearance) but the supporting cast is appealing, especially Bella's Quileute friend Jacob and the bratty vampire clan that surrounds Bella and Edward's love.

It's not great news that Melissa Rosenberg, and probably Hardwicke as well, will be back for the first sequel, New Moon. The two proved they were far better at making Forks, Washington fun than directing any kind of action. And New Moon is full of the latter, featuring an extended sequence in Europe and likely demanding a special effects budget much larger than that of the original for its new creatures. It's too bad for fans of the book that they have to make three big budget features out of this concept, when so much about Twilight would be more suited to a series. I guess Buffy reruns will have to do.

Express Train To Douchebaggery [Douchebag Zone]

Alex Carnevale — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 11:30:14 EST

With recent MTA budget cuts and fare increases across the board to come next year, soon riding the New York City subway will be a privilege reserved for the few that can afford it. Somewhere along the way, the city's travelers will transfer from whatever line they're riding on to an express train as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It lies between the pit of man's fear and the summit of his knowledge. Via the seminal Tofutti Break, those passengers will be riding the subway known as The Douchebag Express. Click here to ride it.

Minnesotans Find Voting For Al Franken or Norm Coleman Very Difficult [Recount]

Alex Carnevale — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 10:55:00 EST

Sixty-four percent of the way through Minnesota's recount in the Senate race between Republican Norm Coleman and Democrat Al Franken, the conservative remains ahead by 120 votes, about half his original lead. Unlike the hateful and anxious conflict over Florida's recount in 2000, this Minnesota recount is nothing more than a pleasure, with fun disputed ballots and two candidates willing to humiliate themselves to get any vote counted. Minnesota Public Radio has more disputed ballots for you to weigh in on, and while they can't top the classic Lizard People write-in vote, they demand your democratic attention:

Challenged ballots in Florida smell like senior citizens, but challenged ballots in Minnesota are brisk, cold, and snappy. Things were looking good for Al Franken's chances of overcoming Coleman's tiny lead, but he needs more help to secure a victory. That's why every single controversial ballot is eliciting a challenge from both campaigns, no matter how small the question may be.

Challenged ballots from Day 3 of counting don't display quite that same level of ingenuity as the genius of the Lizard People ballot, but it is amazing what each campaign will resort to arguing:

The Franken campaign decided to challenge this ballot, arguing that because the voter had made an X, that he wanted to rescind his vote for Coleman.

The Coleman campaign challenged this ballot, arguing that the voter was indicating a vote for Coleman.

Then there was this Anoka County voter's ballot, pulled out of a stack by the Republicans just because of the beauty of its verse:

You Need to/ Make Voting/ Easier to do/ This is/ Ridiculous/ enough with the/ Political Ads/ This is/ What Happens/ when you/ Bombard Me/ with them/ Al Franken and/ Norm Coleman/ Are So Annoying/ They're Repugnant/ From Now on/ Ill Give up/ My Right/ to vote/ if I got/ Beet down with/ Political Ads/ Advertise That/ Minnesota/ Id Rather/ Have/ Nick/ DiPalo/ For/ President/ Ha/ Ha/ Ha/ Ha/ Ha

Clearly not everyone is enjoying this protracted political process as much as we are.

The intensity of the recount challenges has increased as the gap between the vote totals narrows: according to Nate Silver, the latest ballots are challenged by the Franken campaign at a rate of 7.5 out of every 10,000 ballots, and the Coleman campaign is questioning 7.2 out of every 10,000. As we knew all along, it's gonna be so close we can taste the bitter wisps of democracy on our tongues.

Investing Wisely, Office-Style [The Office]

Alex Carnevale — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 10:30:00 EST

Adults don't have Sesame Street, they just have Suze Orman and James Cramer and other financial wizards to turn to for life advice. We're forced to look in other places for common-sense tips during tough economic times, like magazines, prositutes, and of course sitcoms. The most recent episode of The Office presented an instructive example: Dunder Mifflin salesman Jim Halpert bought a house for his new bride Pam Beasley. Did he make the right call in investing in the Scranton real estate market, and what did he probably pay to make his parents' former residence stay in the Halpert family? Plus, deleted scenes from this week's episode:

Fresh off the disappointment of not being able to learn Flash, let alone PHP or Drupal, Scranton's Pam Beasley passively aggressively expressed her general displeasure with life by writing a mean note from "Disappointed" to whoever left a disgusting mess in the microwave. We feel for you, Pam.

Jim couldn't sense Pam's unhappiness. He was more worried about how she'd react to the awesome big decision he made without ever telling his partner. Males not named Tony Soprano would risk having their balls severed for the gesture, but in this moving clip Jenna Fischer was totally walled off, implying either a subtle shout-out to Monica Bellucci's famous scene in Irreversible, or that she just can't act:

We talked to a trusted real estate advisor about Jam's new property. He priced the house at around $125,000, while noting it could go for less given the market. Although an earlier scene revealed that the house wasn't in the nicest of neighborhoods, the block looked like it had been kept up. "The exterior is pleasant enough," said our expert. He also noted the tiny windows in the bedroom, the remnants of a particular home-building trend that now looks severely outdated. It's not the most beautiful house in the free world, but that's not the point. "Land is never a bad investment," noted our expert as he described the good sense Jim Halpert had in living many years without anything in the way of expenses or dependents other than dinners with Rashida Jones at TGIFriday's.

And hey, Jim's right, the garage gets a lot of light and will make a great studio. Really, Pam should have been jumping for joy. The only thing most people can be sure of getting this Christmas season is the stomach flu.

In the first of two deleted scenes, Pam tells the truth:

In the second, Michael tries to finger other members of the office for his malfeasance:

Red Eye Hates Belgium Far More Than You [Foreigners]

Gabriel Snyder — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:30:46 EST

What did Belgium do to Red Eye's Andrew Levy? We've never really given the country much thought, to be honest. But apparently someone at Fox News' second funniest late-night offering has been deeply offended by the nation and wants revenge. Did you know the Belgians murdered Paddington Bear and are so stupid they fish for cows? We're guessing that Greg Gutfeld (or one of his writers) was either stabbed or dumped in Belgium. Or he's still not over his Chimay hangover. (Thanks go to intern Shannon for the clip!)

The Week We Went to San Francisco [Week In Review]

Pareene — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:37:42 EST

Hot dog! We have a wiener! And it's Hillary Clinton, who may or may not have been offered and may or may not accept the job of Secretary of State. Whee!
A famous blogger is in trouble with the law!
Happy TV Christmas and Thanksgiving everyone!
Ashley Dupre is back! She's on TV and everything! We have advice for her.
Al-Qaeda called our new president names and a douchebag sued over getting called a douchebag.
Another week, another opportunity to just write PUPPIES!
Next week, Bill O'Reilly will take on beatniks. Did you know they listen to jazz?
Katie Couric tried some more GOTCHA JOURNALISM with Dave.
Soon Anna Wintour may be out of job! But, like, maybe voluntarily. Unlike you and everyone else in the nation. There's always Dubai.

Illustration: Shamoononon

Sharks Circling, the Weinstein Co. Starts to Shrink [Deathwatch]

Gabriel Snyder — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:10:21 EST

Whenever he's had a glaring problem in his business, Harvey Weinstein — legendary manipulator of the press — has always been a master at deflecting attention away: No Oscars recently? Just look at how much money the lowbrow genre films his brother Bob have been raking in! No big genre successes? Well, look at our home video business! The home video business is struggling? Well, we've got an Oscar film coming up! The cycle can be repeated over and over, but financial facts always trump spin. And today, the Weinstein Co. laid off 24 of its employees, 11% of its total staff, according to the New York Post, in what will only provide more chum in the water for those not-so-quietly rooting for the final downfall of the Weinsteins.

The reason cited today was, of course, "the economy." But all of the bright spots the Weinsteins once pointed to at their company are dimming. The biggest potential break-out movie on this year's slate was Zack and Miri Make a Porno starring Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks. As a Kevin Smith film, it's done fine since opening over Halloween weekend, with just over $27 million at the box office. But that's nowhere near the kind of return they'll need to convince tight-fisted investors to pump more money into TWC. Their cash-generating Project Runway is tied up in a nasty law suit that will keep it from returning to the air any time soon.

And the boring side of the business, the 70% stake in straight-to-video distribution arm Genius Products, is now literally a penny stock, closing on Friday at 4 cents per share, valuing the whole operation, which they once touted as a potential billion-dollar enterprise, at less than $3 million.

The Weinsteins are running out of lifelines. But they still provide colorful stories. On Wednesday, some people at the Weinstein Co. were told to clean out their offices because a "special guest" would be coming through on Friday. Those same people learned this afternoon that it was just a ruse to speed their exit when they were told they were getting the ax.

Births, Deaths, and Marriages [Births, Deaths, And Marriages]

Sheila — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:00:17 EST

Births, Deaths, and Marriages is a column about what's happening to persons of interest in Gawker society. Send us your tips about breakups, hookups, knock-ups, and everything else that completes the circle of media-life. Today: one oddly-named celeb infant, one knockup, one breakup, and rabid right-wingers in luv:

Births: Spiderman actor Toby Maguire's wife? Knocked up again. Whoops, we mean "with child." Congrats! [US Weekly]
Of course, you already heard about "singers" Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz's oddly-named baby, Bronx Mowgli Wentz.

Deaths: Donald Finkel, a respected American poet "whose work teemed with curious juxtapositions" [NYT], and Irving Gertz. Getz wrote the music—"often uncredited" for monster movies, including The Incredible Shrinking Man, It Came From Outer Space, and The Thing That Couldn’t Die. [NYT]

Marriages: Fox News gal Margaret Hoover ("great-granddaughter of President Herbert Hoover") just got engaged to former Giuliani speechwriter John P. Avlon. Sounds like quite the match. [P6]

Divorces: Jodi Sweetin—Full House child star and soon-to-be meth addiction memoirist—is divorcing her second husband. Bummer. [US Weekly]

[Sponsored]

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 18:00:17 EST

Kreepie Kats in "We've All Been Named Special Assistants to the Undersecretary of the Department of Fucking Your Mom" [Kreepie Kats]

Pareene — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:54:15 EST

[Jim Behrle's Kartoon Kats have been reading The Economist lately, and it has made them sad. Luckily: there are pirates!! Everyone loves pirates!! Klick thru for high seas adventure!]

Reports: HuffPo Maybe, Coulda Raised $15 Million [Media]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:48:33 EST

According to some reports, the Huffington Post has raised $15 million in a new round of investment. But nobody really knows for sure whether that's true, yet! Let us say right up front that if it is true—and the Times UK says it is—this will be the coup of the media meltdown. Raising cash like that in this economic environment is impressive, and we would have to tip our hats to HuffPo, and acknowledge that we have wildly underestimated them. Here are all of the details from various reports on Arianna's maybe-triumph:

The original story said only that Huffpo "will confirm within the next week that it has completed a $15 million (£10 million) fundraising from investors."
PaidContent says that their sources have confirmed to them that the investor is Oak Investment Partners, which has invested in several other digital media companies. Before this, the site's backers had put in $25 million into the site. PaidContent estimates the deal's valuation of HuffPo at around $100 million.
But! AlleyInsider says that "A source close to the company tells us these reports are 'stupid and false' and 'wrong across the board.'" Then they add, "HuffPo cofounder Ken Lerer is an investor in our parent company." HMMM.
HuffPo itself is not commenting.
But you might reasonably say: Sure, their traffic has been great through the election season. But won't it fall off a cliff now that the election is over? It sure looks like it according to Quantcast's numbers (see below). But maybe not! Number-crunching wunderkind Nate Silver's fivethirtyeight.com, HuffPo has actually increased its average traffic by 9% since the election.

The truth will come out shortly. If these reports are accurate, we're impressed.

Obama Selects Money-Fixer [Hooray]

Pareene — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:46:44 EST

Barack Obama's Treasury Secretary pick made the stocks jump! We're all saved! Drudge calls New York Fed President Tim Geithner "The Man Who Can Save Economy?" (Family Love Geithner!) Geithner worked, obviously, at the Treasury Department that helped create this mess, in the Bob Rubin and Larry Summers days. His background is solid "didn't foresee this in retrospect obvious problem" economist, what with his IMF and Group of Thirty stints, just like everyone else considered for the job. Woman-hater Larry Summers will still probably do something in an Obama administration. Meanwhile comical New Mexico governor Bill Richardson will be our Commerce Secretary, because he's clearly bored in New Mexico. Hillary Clinton is still dithering about her job offer, and Obama will apparently finally announce that whole thing after Thanksgiving.

CodePink's Iron Curtain Call [The Commies]

Richard — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:45:00 EST

Every so often one commenter serves the public body in singularly superb fashion. These comrades deserve recognition individually—a chance to come forward and take a bow. Today we honor commenter CodePink, who in her weird, warm, wise, and always funny way makes the days tick by just a little faster. Enjoy five of her best comments this week after the jump. Nobody does it better.

From Anna Wintour To New York Magazine: 'Just Go Away':
"Ms. Wintour: 'Well, that's an interesting question; what's more interesting to me is if your mother cries every night because you turned out so ugly and stupid. Goodbye.'"
From On Stylista, The Fat Girl Is 'The Elephant In The Room':
"Last time I went on a Fat Rampage, I pushed down shelves of canned ham at C-Town, shook 7 Up two liter bottles and opened them all at the same, and then threw poundcakes at children, all whilst snarling."
From The Next New Thing: The Next New Thing:
"Here are some new things:
mint flavored soda
raspberry hamburgers
computers that can fit in your eyeball!
rainbow colored babies
Kansastana
marrying my aunt!"
From Why Aren't There Any Good Hoaxes Anymore?:
"I one time went to the store to buy bananas but instead i bought apples and tried to make a banana split out of apples and everyone was like that's more like apple pie ala mode and i said no it's a banana split and then three people jumped off the roof because it messed them up so bad that idea. it was hoax!"
From Seriously, Why Even Bother Profiling Julia Allison?:
"What I ask is this: why even bother bothering to bother being bothered by bothering?"

And many, many more. Congrats Pinkie!

Poster Boy, Live In Action [Artists]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 17:16:01 EST

Anonymous subway-based ad remix artist and minor obsession of ours Poster Boy has been caught on film! All we had before to identify him was this photo(shop). Animal NY's vandal-in-chief Bucky Turco spent a nice evening with PB in a Brooklyn subway station, just cold maxing and relaxing and shooting the breeze while carving up ads with an X-acto knife and attacking trains. We now have a definitive description of Poster Boy: a male wearing a hat, doing art. If you see anyone matching that description, call police immediately. (Not really, snitches!). Watch the full clip below:

Poster Boy In Action from ANIMALmagazine on Vimeo.

[Animal NY]

Now You Can Smell Like Barack Obama [Merchandise]

Richard — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:54:00 EST

Yesterday we introduced you to the tiniest Obama keepsakes, and today we come across the smelliest Obama-related merchandise (but not the plateiest). Barack Obama perfume, spotted at 30th and 6th. Radosh points out, though, that this is not an original idea: 1. 2. 3. Click for larger picture.

Your Predictions For The New York Times Co. [Recessionomics]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:36:44 EST

When the NYT Company slashed its dividend and announced ominous October revenues yesterday, we asked you, our kindly readers: Might this company go into bankruptcy? If so, when? And if not, what should they do? Many of you answered! And virtually every viable option for the company was suggested at least once. The Sulzberger family should just read the following list of your responses and pick one, depending on how optimistic they're feeling today:

The optimist:

Never [will they go bankrupt]!

The alternatives:

Take it private Arthur!

The falling stock price seems more likely to impact the ability of the Sulzberger family to keep control of the company.

Maybe it's time for The New York Times to do what The Guardian did— put the paper in something like The Scott Trust and invest in whatever will keep it going in perpetuity and out of the hands (and whims) of private ownership and advertising dependency.

The pessimists—bankruptcy predictions:

Before 1st quarter results are announced. Maybe a week before

bloomberg buys it 3rd Q. '09.

Seriously, Why Even Bothering Profiling Julia Allison? [Fameballs]

Sheila — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:24:45 EST

It's funny and meta to watch Julia Allison get profiled. Since she's already done all the work for us in real time—chronicling her thoughts and moods and outfits on her blog—a profile seems beside the point and out of date by the time it goes to print—we've already seen those outfits and photos, and we already know what events she's been to. Journalists are usually left baffled upon their first introduction to the JA force of nature—when we've been collectively getting her IMs for years! Australia is just now catching on to this Internet fameball/oversharing thing, putting Allison on the cover of a magazine—and including her close personal friend, and also our former editor, Emily Gould. (At this point, Em seems like she wants to erase the Internet and spend a month in a sensory-deprivation chamber.) The profile is very similar to Allison's Wired cover story, except for perhaps the journalist's outright dislike for her subjects.

She calls Allison's two sidekicks Mary and Megan "equally terrifying alpha girlfriends." (Touché!) Also: "I meet Gould in the painfully sceney Balthazar cafe in New York’s Soho (her choice)." Dang.

However, we finally learn how Julia thinks her baffling Nonsociety startup will earn money!

"Her plan, however, is to earn a living from product endorsement on her nonsociety site. As she goes to great lengths to emphasise, this has never been done before, so its chance of success is uncertain (my conclusion, not hers)."

We knew it... although who knows if that will work. Blueprint Cleanse, anyone? Betsey Johnson? Cupcakes? May we interest you in a designer handbag?

People Editor Calls Times Allegations 'Totally Bogus' [Internal Memos]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:12:19 EST

High profile press fight! People magazine editor Larry Hackett just sent out an internal memo blasting the page one New York Times story today about People's alleged shady dealings with Angelina Jolie. Specifically, the Times cited two anonymous sources "with knowledge of the bidding" for the photos of Jolie and Brad Pitt's most recent newborns—which cost People $14 million—who said that there was an formal agreement that "obliged" the magazine to offer only positive coverage. Of course, as Hackett acknowledges, their coverage was positive; but he strongly asserts that the magazine would never "purposely slant coverage as condition for acquiring pictures." And indeed, the Times may have oversold that angle in their story. There's certainly a difference between what Jolie asks for, and what a magazine would explicitly "promise" to do. Read his full memo below:

Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 3:30 PM
Subject: Today's New York Times
Importance: High

I don't normally address press stories about how we do our business
here at People. But today's New York Times pg. 1 story about Angelina
Jolie requires a response. In the lede, the story strongly suggests
that People, while negotiating for the twins pictures, had explicit
conversations about our "editorial plan" and made "a promise" that
coverage would be positive.

These sorts of stories have appeared in media gossip columns before.
I have ignored them in the past as the unfortunate fallout of competition
and sour grapes. But today's story, in a much different venue, takes these
rumors to a new level, so let me be absolutely clear: The suggestion that
we have ever made any promise of positive coverage, or have submitted
an editorial plan, is completely false. That I or anyone else would promise,
on paper or verbally, to purposely slant coverage as condition for acquiring
pictures, is insulting to all of us.

Here's what is true: Celebrities—-and senators and business executives and
athletes—are always trying to bend stories their way. We deal with that pressure
every single day and engage in many conversations regarding all elements of
coverage. Angelina Jolie is very candid about wanting attention for her charitable
efforts, and we have covered many of them because we believe they are interesting
stories. But in doing so, we have never relinquished editorial control. There have been
occasions when her goals and our needs could not be reconciled, and we have walked away,
as we have with countless other story subjects.

In our coverage of both celebrities and everyday people, People certainly often celebrates
their accomplishments and milestones. To say that our coverage of Angelina Jolie has not
been admiring would be disingenuous. But the suggestion in today's Times that this "positive"
coverage is codified and promised is totally bogus, and needs to be
rejected.

Larry

Anna Wintour To New York Magazine: 'Just Go Away' [Cat Fight!]

Richard — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:05:00 EST

NY mag's fashion blog The Cut ran into the Vogue editrix Wintour at the National Book Awards this week. They politely (we assume!) asked her about the rumors that she might retire. They are (sort of) substantive rumors and it's a question about her job, not her personal life, so you'd think that she'd respond as courteously as she could. Except, no she didn't. She gave 'em the ol' heave-ho:

The Cut: There have been some rumors, and we were wondering if you had plans for retirement.
Anna Wintour: I'm so sorry, I think that's an extremely rude question. Leave me alone.
The Cut: May we ask what you would do if you did retire?
Anna Wintour: No. Just go away.
The Cut: Okay, thank you, enjoy your dinner.

Hee!

[The Cut]

[Sponsored]

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:05:00 EST

Populist GM Executives Will Muddle Through With Only Three Jets [Public Relations]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:29:51 EST

General Motors caught a leeetle bit of flack this week for flying its executives to Washington on a private jet in order to beg for a taxpayer bailout. "Hey," said politicians, the media, and the general public, "you have less than zero money. Should you really have spent thousands on a private jet?" We would also add, "Shouldn't you have driven a car?" Later GM and its fellow broke automakers left Washington with no money, making this one of the colossal PR fuckups of 2008, and possibly of the preceding decade as well. But everything is different now, because GM is going to have somewhat fewer private jets. So please give them some multiple of billions of dollars okay?

They did have five company planes. Now they're cutting down to just three. Tightening the belt!

General Motors, the embattled US carmaker, buffeted by criticism for sending its chief executive on a private jet to plead for government aid, vowed today to stop leasing two of its five company planes.

GM is "very sensitive" to "the symbolic issue of people showing up in Washington in corporate jets", spokesman Tom Wilkinson said, promising more cuts to come at the company.

Now you know that spokesman was probably desperately searching Craigslist job ads at the time of this quote and didn't give it much thought, so cut him some slack. Because let's face it, GM is going broke broke. [Guardian via Clusterstock]

200,000 People Want Obama To Pay Them [No Depression]

Pareene — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:21:02 EST

Barack Obama was elected just a few weeks ago, and he does not take office until late January. But everyone is so excited! He got his transition website up and running right away, and everyone in America immediately clicked on the "jobs" tab, because everyone in America needs a job. Sorry, guys—they've already received 200,000 applications. Which is unprecedented for an incoming administration. We did the research!

In December of 2000, right after it finally became clear that George W. Bush would be our next president and the world was therefore doomed, the New York Times reported that there was a surge of applications for jobs in his administration too. That surge was totally pathetic, though, in retrospect:

As of Tuesday night, before it was even certain that Mr. Bush would become president, his skeletal transition operation here had received 20,177 job applications. Most came through the operation's Web site, with a growing number arriving by mail and fax. All are being sorted by a staff of 16 personnel assistants.

In an even more amusing Washington Post story from early December of 1992, Al Kamen reported that the Clinton transition team was using computers to "scan" resumes!

Thus far, the transition office has received 10,200 resume's — one-tenth of the 100,000 applications it expects at a rate of 1,500 a day.

People really needed jobs back then, too.

And here is some wonderful advice that makes absolutely no sense from the Washington Post in December of 1980, explaining how to get a job with the incoming Reagan administration:

Waelde recently listed for seminar participants (most of whom had worked for the government for more than five years and held positions at GS-11 and above) what he calls the "three basic career constraints to advancement in the government:"

Professional constraints: "While it may be obvious, we often don't want to face the fact that it's not possible to get an endless series of promotions from the same position. As a secretary, or accountant or whatever, you can only go so high."

"The federal workforce is diamond-shaped. There are just a handful of GS-1 jobs, more and more GS-3, -4, -5, -7 positions, on up to Gs-11 — after which it tightens up again. So the competition gets tougher in the higher levels.

"You need to stop and think what additional skills you'll need to get the promotion you want. Check the position classification standards of the job you want and see what the typical duties are. Figure out how you can get that experience. It may mean going back to school, or it may mean asking for different responsibilities on your present job that will broaden your skills."

Organizational constraints: "Many people don't know that agencies often have staffing patterns allowing only a certain number of authorized positions at each grade level.

"So for you to be promoted, there must be a vacancy ahead of you. You could be the best in the world, but if everything's clogged up ahead of you, you may not be promoted. An agency change may be the only way to get out of that hole."

Personal constraints: "If you don't get along well with your supervisor, it's probably going to hurt your promotion possibilities."

But the single biggest pitfall to getting a federal job and advancing, says Waelde, "is poor SF 171 preparation. You've got to look at it as a work sample. They may get 200 applications for a GS-15 position, and only six or so will be referred to the selection office. You've got to make yourself stand out."

Among his advice for "top-notch 171 preparation":

Don't attach a resume. "It means the selection panel has to flip back and forth and makes a more cumbersome package."

Type it.

Make concrete and specific statements. "Don't say 'I identified and analyzed major problems in federal aid programs.' Give examples of problems encountered, your analysis technique and several of the aid programs."

Customize formats. "You're not going to be able to describe your experience in eight lines, so cut and paste, then Xerox, to add space — as long as it's neatly done. Paricularly for positions at GS-13 and above, you've got to tailor your 171 to the specific job."

Good advice for the million people who'll apply to work for President Obama. Work on that SF 171 application!

In Which I Try To Explain Twilight [Peeling The Apple]

Richard — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:58:00 EST

I know that you will probably stab me in the heart with a wooden stake for doing this, but I'm going to write another post about Twilight. You there, under the rock? Twilight is: spectacularly shitty book series by Stephanie Meyer and now a movie (out today! it's bad!) about a dimensionless girl named Bella and the suave sex vampire that she loves, named Edward. It's swoony moony goony shit, and, again, is terribly, monstrously, embarrassing-for-the-whole-of-the-craftly bad. So why on earth is it so popular, and what is Twilight, I mean really what is it? I will attempt to answer those IMPORTANT questions after the jump. Then you can elucidate (please! please!) in the comments.

Theory 1: Twilight Is Chocolate
Let's get the obvious, probably-the-cold-bare-truth one out of the way. There's nothing new about young people, young women especially, going apeshit bananas over something that brings a fierce yet chaste smolder to their loins—be it the cherubic young matinee idols like Romeo + Juliet-era Leonardo DiCaprio, the crotch-twirling "baby come back" antics of a boy band (from Beatles to Backstreet), or, you know, the dark brooding eternal prick tease of sexless vampire love (Buffy! And now, sigh, Twilight!). While most boys just hairy palm their way past longings for love and post-in/out/in/out intimacy, many girls get snared and tangled in that brambly bush of idol worship, and any conduit through which they can explore and advance these tinglings is, usually, seized upon with great fervor. And Meyer wrote the perfect conduit for a certain set of young ladies—one about Changes (she moves!), School (she's awkward!), Bodies (she's clumsy!), and Boys (he's alabastery beautiful and dangerous!) Certain little women throw this shit to the curb as the fantasy garbage that it is, but others (whether consciously or not) see some great unspoken wish-fulfillment in it—that you can snare the boy by doing next to nothing, that you can fix a troubled man, that somewhere out there is a place where you and only you are special and it's up to all those other bitches to just look on in awe. Pretty powerful magicks.

Theory 2: Twilight Is Barack Obama
Yes it's true! Published in 2005, just one short year after Obama gave his ground-rumbling speech at the DNC in Boston, Twilight and the president-elect share many qualities. Both had rabid cult followings until they bled and blossomed into mainstream phenomena. Both are about love with utter abandon—to overlook or dismiss the fangs or Rev. Wrights. And both are about potential danger lurking in the periphery—Edward might eat Bella! Obama might pull off his Mission: Impossible mask and reveal himself to be Jimmy Carter, thus hurling the nation into a socialism-flecked doom of poverty and lawlessness. But in the end, both are less than what they seem. Twilight is just pat aspirational shit to please the ladies (see above) and Obama is just part inspirational grit and part just a fairly moderate Democrat who will do fine, if not well, as a two term president (we Hope). The implication here, I guess, is that Barack Obama is a vampire. It would make sense. After all, his daddy was a cannibal.

Theory 3: Twilight Is The Last Gasp Of Chic Religious Conservatism
Remember when John McCain's daughter Meghan said that being a Republican was the last way to be punk and it was really dumb and also a few years too late because the whole thing had been death rattling for a while at that point? Well Twilight is sort of the other side of that. It was timely and it was apt and it was cool, for the subset of Christian America it directly appealed to. In 2005, it was pretty righteous for a Mormon housewife from Arizona to write a long, turgid book about two hot-as-hell young people (well, "young" here is relative, I guess) falling madly in love and kissing and then screwing their brains out... after they get married (and even then they only do it twice)! There's a nice anti-abortion trope thrown into the last book, I'm told (should she carry Edward's demon baby that will probably kill her to term? Yes! Yes she should!) and a comfortable hat tip to the old Mormon idea that women can't get into Heaven without the help of a man. Bella is made vampyr by Edward in the end, and they amble off together into fuckfest eternity. What a sly devil Meyer was to try and couch all this in supposedly lush mod-period melodrama (you know what we would call Twilight in the theatre? Agitprop), trouble is, she's such a spectacularly shitty writer that the light starts to poke through, a few years later. But she got away with it for a while! Don't think she would now.

So which is it? Twilight as female soul-tickler? Twilight as political Daemon? Or Twilight as the last bit of tricky mainstream Christo-conservatism to sneak its way past the lefty sensors? Or, you know, none of the above?

Saturday Night Live May Hire Jordan Carlos For Obama Gig! [Comedy]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:51:31 EST

Big news on the Saturday Night Live Obama comedy crisis front: the show is auditioning several comedians who may take the Obama impersonation role from the workmanlike but not-so-funny Fred Armisen. And these new comedians are black, like Obama himself, coincidentally! And even more importantly, one of the contenders is reportedly our close personal friend Jordan Carlos, who already made his case for the role directly to Gawker readers! Three others are also in the running. But we really hope Jordan Carlos gets it, because then we are totally going to demand some free tickets for ourselves! And, of course, for you as well. We totally called it. Maybe. [Daily Beast]

Mysterious Michiko Startles Readers with a Rhyme [Books]

Sheila — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:25:12 EST

Famously harsh New York Times book critic Michiko Kakutani has clearly taken a liking to prolific New Yorker writer and "Deadline Poet" columnist for The Nation Calvin Trillin's latest political book: apparently moved to write a poem, she reviewed it in verse. You know, in the style of his book, also written in verse! "Trillin recounted this all with verve and élan/Charting the candidates’ every slogan and plan." Check out the excerpt—and then you can turn the table and judge her poetic efforts.

"McCain’s pick of Palin was more grist for the mill,
Caribou Barbie saw herself as a tool of God’s will,
At least that’s how Trillin saw the lass from Alaska,
Whom Republicans hoped would play in Nebraska."

And:

"Trillin praised the country’s choice to reboot
In verse that was witty, quick and acute.
What had begun two books back as a wry chronicle of woe
Became a tribute to the nation’s ability to grow." [NYT]

We appreciate the bold break from form, but reviewing a book in the style it was written is totally a Janet Maslin move—like she did with James Frey's new novel. Let's not ever imitate Maslin.

Rupert Murdoch's Two-Way Assault On The NYT [Newspapers]

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:13:35 EST

The financial reports of the New York Times Co. yesterday were predictably awful. Print ad revenue was cratering even before the stock market collapsed, so it's hard to see any turnaround in the near future. And as if the economy itself isn't giving the Times enough problems, they're also dealing with Rupert Murdoch trying to crush them, advertising-wise, in a pincer grip; the Wall Street Journal is falling on their head, and the New York Post is coming right up their ass.

Rupert made a lot of noise about taking on the Times directly when he bought the WSJ. But he has a big advantage: another major newspaper in the same market. So while the WSJ is trying to steal away the NYT's high-end advertisers (and succeeding)—luxury watchmakers, Tiffany & Co., expensive liquors, and corporations running "message" ads—the other News Corp. paper, the unprofitable Post, is competing with the Times for middlebrow advertisers and upper middle class retailers in New York City—Bergdorf Goodman, Macy's, Bloomingdale's, car dealerships, cell phone companies.

Owner Rupert Murdoch's expansion of general news coverage [at the WSJ] and a new lifestyle magazine are starting to attract wealthy consumers and create ad space for retailers, said Milton Pedraza, chief executive officer of Luxury Institute LLC.

``They certainly have become a significant part of the advertising mix for luxury brands where they were not before,'' said Pedraza, whose New York research group tracks the market for the most expensive lines of consumer goods and services. ``They're definitely stealing advertising dollars.''

News Corp. has an inherent advantage. Plus, Rupert has shown a willingness to lose huge sums of money in newspaper wars, as the Post has been doing for years.

Maybe the Times should go tabloid, go weekly, and run lots of sex ads and crush the Village Voice. Just for self-esteem! [Bloomberg; pic via Daylife]

Sponsor Shout-out [Thanks Sponsors]

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:00:00 EST

Thanks to this week's sponsors: 1800 Tequila, AT&T Yellow Pages, Crunch Fitness, Dell, Hello Health, Ketel One, Montreal Rocks, Motorola Krave, Netherlands Chic, Nikon Coolpix, The New Museum, Pernod, Samsung, Sebastian Hair Care, Sobieski, Toyota, Women's Wear Daily. To become an advertiser, click here.